ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
