Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
