oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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