Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
