do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I need moral support for this bender
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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