whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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