I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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