I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
No subtext here. People are naked.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
