Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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