So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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