Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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