dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
