Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
