you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
