OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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