every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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