nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
