she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
