So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Randomize
