I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
