Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
