Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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