ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
