i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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