Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
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