how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
bring money and cleavage
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
