I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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