not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
