he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I yelled at your uterus for you.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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