theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
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