Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
