I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
