There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
