My friends, they love my intelligence
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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