carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
