i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
