Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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