He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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