we made out on top of his cat.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
