Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
