it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
