I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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