Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
