I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
