Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Terrible idea I love it
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
