And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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