My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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