I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
