There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
