Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
