He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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