Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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