Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
