HIV tests are more positive than that guy
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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