every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
