sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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