R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Farmville is her only friend.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
